Sister Ricca Dimalibot, M.D.

IN GOD’S CRADLE

When I made my first silent retreat six summers ago, I had the most fascinating experience as I sat on a swing under a magnificent oak tree. Though I could only slightly sway, I felt as if my entire body was suspended in air and revolving. I did not mind the heavy drops of rain or the lightning. My orientation was shut but all my other senses were acute. Somehow, I knew at that very moment that I was closest to how it feels to be carried by the gentle arms of a loving God. Then, without a hint of uncertainty, I knew that God was within me….God was answering me…. I felt the presence of God as I rested suspended in God’s Holy Breath.

And I thought that was it! At that moment, God has answered my question to enter religious life. From then on, life would be like living in that swing where I will always be suspended in awe of God. Not too long after that experience, however, my naïveté quickly vanished when it became apparent as soon as I became an Affiliate that the life of a religious not only entails a constant riding in the swing of God’s providence; my commitment to God needs to take a more tangible form from the moment of alighting from the swing until my feet touch the ground of Incarnational existence. It is the bringing down of my experience of heaven and sharing the taste with whomever I encounter. It is a constant journey in contemplation, community, and ministry, one foot always going forward, even in the stillness of my heart.

My eight-day retreat predicated by my First Profession is nothing short of the same “swing experience.” Not too long ago, during my Novitiate in St. Louis, I joined twenty-nine other novices from different congregations and cultures in studying the vows; we were a microcosm of the future picture of religious life. My ministry experience in Alexandria, Louisiana is likewise invaluable to me as it enabled me to test myself before I make a commitment of this magnitude: the vow to a single-hearted quest for God.

On May 31, 2003, in the presence of my brother Gil and his family, my sister Liza, my extended family, special friends, CCVI Associates, and the Sisters, I vowed to be poor, chaste and obedient. I reverenced my roots as a Filipino by wearing a traditional Filipino blouse. Fr. Rey, my second cousin, and Fr. Chris from CHRISTUS Cabrini Hospital, concelebrated the Mass with Fr. Lawrence. My niece CJ (11) and second cousins Arielle (11) and Astin (14) volunteered to play the violin. My neighbor from the Philippines, yes, my neighbor, who now lives in Beaumont, played and sang a Filipino song with his electric guitar. Hong Dao’s playing of the Vietnamese harp, tranh, relished the whole musical ensemble with an authentic and delicate Asian melody. Our Sisters patiently learned new songs and they sang as if they have been singing those songs forever. Phyllis accompanied with piano and organ while Sr. Maureen conducted the assembly. What took place was the special blessing of the day—my family and friends, making music together with my Sisters, taking part in a solemn and prayerful Mass that is exactly as I had prayed for. It is so heart-warming to see my Sisters coming together to offer their talents and gifts for one significant occasion. My family is likewise elated and they considered it a grace for forty of us to have a reunion in such a prayerful way on the day of my vows.

The day being the Feast of the Visitation is significant for me because of my special affection toward Mary. As the Profession Mass unfolds, I am deeply attuned that I am espousing the Word. At that moment, “Jesus and I” fills my entire awareness. My attention is so intense that I heard every single word proclaimed and I am able to make all the songs my own. I am surrounded by people who guided me and who made the experience possible for me; as I faced the altar, Sr. Olive is on my left, Sr. Elizabeth Ann (my Novice Director) on my right and my brother and sister behind me. For days, the reassurance from everyone that prayers are coming my way continually touches me and a sense of gratefulness fills me. And as it is with my “swing experience,” I realized that I also have to bring down my experiences of heaven during my Profession Ceremony and make my vows to God the bedrock of my life that pervades all my actions as a religious Sister.

I come away from my First Profession with my personal appropriation of the meaning of the vows. If I were to compare the vows with my senses, poverty would be my eyesight, obedience my hearing, and chastity my taste and smell. Through the vow of poverty, I can see the beauty of all created being and know that my riches are in my connectedness with everything and with everyone and in becoming who I truly am. Through the vow of obedience, I can hear the voice of God and be free to journey and to follow my heart’s deepest longing. Through the vow of chastity, I can smell and taste and assimilate—God becomes an integral part of me that fires my very being.

On that rainy day on the swing, on that hot summer’s day of my profession, I huddled contentedly in God’s cradle. Entering in the in-between times when religious life seems to be experiencing a “dark night of the soul,” makes me quiver because of lingering questions about the future. But my vow of poverty teaches me to stand in the tension of ambiguity, my vow of obedience to trust in the sacredness of each moment, and my vow of chastity to love the One. Now I have more tenacity to say, “Here I am!”

<  Sister Stories

Sister Stories